Self Destruction
by arrownbow
Summary: Gaara and his siblings move to the leaf and Gaara to a new high school, but Gaara's past isn't something he can hide for long! contains: everything that makes it M ... Gaaraxmany people. UNDER GOING RENOVATIONS . 3 chapters totally redone.
1. Chapter 1

**Note from me 26/06/2013. this was the first fic I wrote on the site and it was horrible. but I kept what I had of it up because I can see how my writing has changed, which is why i was using this site in the first place. over the years I have changed bits (saving the copies) and now I'm doing it again. rewriting and changing to my liking. there are moments where I'm like,,,, this is beyond hope. but I'm still changing it, because it reminds me of me (weird huh) anyway I'm going to update and finish it. **

**warnings:** I'm not going to give many, but its angst for a reason. It's also two boys as characters for a reason. don't read unless you can deal with the horror!

however~ just for this chapter a warning - rape or something of the like.

**disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. duh and I'm not gonna say it again

**Title:** Self Destruction.

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**Chapter 1: How it started.**

"Ahh I don't want to do this." A tall boy with purple make up on his face whined. He adjusted his hoodie and tried again, "I don't want to leave the sand."

"Shut up Kankuro," The blonde girl finally snapped back, "the leaf village has offered to help us, in our family's time of need. For Gaara's sake we can't stay in the sand, not with _him_. We are going to start again in the leaf and be a family. Gaara can go to school, be normal, and for the first time in his life he might actually make some friends. We are so lucky for this chance, so stop complaining."

Kankuro looked down at his feet, "yeah I know Temari, it's just, this is going to be hard for me, for us." He corrected quickly, "I can't imagine how hard it will be for Gaara, I don't know, but I think it will be impossible."

"Don't say that. I think him being in a school, getting _actual_ contact with other ninja is a vast improvement." Temari replied taking off again.

Ahead of the pair was a red-haired boy, he was standing still watching the horizon. He could feel his siblings energy slowly moving towards him. Ahead of him he could only see green, this land was overwhelming. So many colours, way more than the sepia browns and yellows of the sand. He felt a sharp pain in his chest as he thought of home. He would never see it again. He was glad to leave, he really was. But it was called home for a reason, after all his mother was buried there. His life started there.

The boy was white as a roman statue, which only served to make his red hair stand out like blood pouring from a flesh wound. His eyes were bright green and painted thick with black eye-liner; in his head he thought it would expose less of who he was if people couldn't see his eyes well. But unfortunately his eyes were huge, not only that, he had a tattoo meaning 'love' that sat on his forehead, so no matter how hard he tried to fade into the shadows, people always noticed him. He sighed, frustrated, waiting for his siblings was boring, this place was over stimulating and made him want to run and hide. He sighed again and swayed on one foot, his traveling clothes were chafing. He knew he shouldn't have worn black skinny leg jeans and a fish net shirt out on this kind of distance, but it was the only thing that made the morning bearable. On his back he shifted the strange gourd filled with sand into a better position and sat down waiting for his older brother and sister.

"Gaara?" He heard his sister call out his name followed by footsteps coming towards where he was seated, "oh there you are." She said walking up to him, "the leaf village isn't far now, come."

Gaara didn't say anything; he had nothing to say, nor did he want to talk about the situation. Slowly he got to his feet and leapt soundlessly into the trees.

* * *

Lady Tsunade sat in her office trying to avoid work.

_It has been a long day_, she thought, leaning back in her chair. "My nails need cleaning," she muttered and looked at her coffee cup, "coffee needs refilling. So much to do. Can't do any paperwork with an empty mug Shizune." Tsunade smiled to herself, perfect excuse to get out of reading reports.

A knock on the door made Tsunade frown, "Come in Shizune," she sighed, "unfortunately i need another coffee before i can-"

Tsunade cut herself off and watched as the three sand siblings walked in and stood in a line. The youngest, Gaara looked extremely tired. She had heard all about these three but never had the pleasure to actually meet them. A week ago when the oldest asked her for this favour in exchange for their service as ninja in the village, she jumped at the chance.

"Ah there you three are, I am Tsunade, you must be Temari, Kankuro and Gaara of the sand. I hope your journey was safe. We had have reports of some disturbances in the area…" Tsunade said with a genuine smile.

"Our journey went smoothly, we are glad that you have allowed us to stay." Said Temari sweetly.

"That's good news." Tsunade shifted some stacks of reports so it looked as if she had been doing something, "Right! You are going to be living in the house we arranged, and I have enrolled Gaara in Konoha high school and ninja academy. His timetable, books and supplies are in this envelope." She said placing the orange package in front of her on the desk, "The school year started last week, but I'm sure that's not a problem. As for you and Kankuro, you will be helping out in missions, but i will try to keep one of you at least in Konoha, so that your brother isn't by himself, outlines for you and Kankuro's duties and missions have also been included in the envelope. But mission specifics will be given on the day. "

"My lady, we know, it's run the same in the sand." Temari said crinkling her forehead and attempting a smile.

"Good then that saves me a lot of explanation." Tsunade said smiling as Kankuro took the envelope from her desk, "also your house has been stocked with food and Konoha clothing, so make the most of it. You will be given a small upfront payment, to help buy anything else you need to help settle in... Also in your package."

"Thanks very much Lady." Kankuro said, out of the corner of his eye he saw Temari's smile falter.

"Anytime, I look forward to seeing you again soon, that's the end of the lecture." She said winking to him as they walked out.

"Well let's be off." Said Kankuro protecting the package containing the money.

They walked slowly across town taking in the sites. This place was bright and everyone seemed friendly enough. Temari made a mental note, observing the markets, that she would be coming back and spending their upfront payment there. Kankuro smiled seeing an adult store, with a cute ninja's face on the window. But Gaara just looked straight ahead; a sense of nervous dread was building in his stomach, making him feel nauseated.

They eventually came to their house, or more an apartment, it was plain looking on the outside, the same as every other house one on the street. Sand stone walls, a couple of windows and a mahogany door.

_This is home_, thought Gaara numbly.

The inside was simple, nothing too fancy, they had a red leather couch and a small television. Gaara noticed the ninja gear spread throughout the place. A target was painted on one of the walls, for training from the kitchen. There were padded columns spread throughout the space, in the place of one of them a boxing bag had been added.

"A shinobi house." Kankuro said. Gaara nodded, the house had been built for easy access to and from the building, he also noticed that the walls had been recently painted brown, similar to their house in the sand.

Gaara yawned, "Shower," he said, his voice was raspy and low.

"Okay, well, I guess I will cook some dinner." Said Temari, looking for the way into the kitchen, _'this is going to take some getting used to_,' she thought.

"Well I'll just... I'll just …wank." Said Kankuro with a smirk. He walked up stairs to claim his room, and opened his laptop on_. 'Wireless internet! Maybe this won't be so bad after all!'_

Gaara got undressed slowly; his room was nice, a bed with red sheets and dresser with the leaf symbol carved into it. A book shelf, which was empty except for one book about the history of the village. One thing he was glad of, was that he had a private bathroom, already he felt more comfortable here than he did in Suna. He was glad to leave; the scars of his life there were still fresh in his mind and on his skin. The last few days there had been traumatic to say the least. His father had always hated him, but things had gone too far.

It was a hot dry day as usual in Suna, Gaara was at their house, in his room. Kankuro and Temari were on a mission, but they were going to be back soon. Until then it meant Gaara got tormented by his father, he was used to it. But it still frightened him and made him pissed off to say the least. He couldn't kill the man, every time he looked into his eyes he saw his mother who died for him. Then, the uncle he had killed, the cat he had accidentally butchered in a fit of rage, the birds whose heads he had blindly ripped off, the little girl who tried to touch him after his father had beaten him. Her disappearance had been covered up, Gaara couldn't remember, but he knew he had done something. This was his private pain, an army of those he hurt. A constant vision of faces and things he had effected. His guilt. His fault. His doing.

He heard a noise down stairs.

_'Hmm he must be home... I bet he is drunk again'_ he thought as something smashed in the kitchen. Faintly he heard footsteps coming up to his room followed by his door opening.

"Hello son, my boy." The man said walking in to the room. Gaara didn't say anything, he had never been addressed so… So nicely, by his father.

"Can I sit down?"

Gaara was too stunned to move. His father took his silence as a yes and sat down on his bed with him.

"I like that." His father said pointing to a poster of Bullet for my Valentine that was half falling down on his wall.

"It's very nice." His dad said.

Gaara noticed with a chill that the man's voice had an eerie pitch to it.

"You want to know a secret... I've always _loved_ you the most…"

"Wha….?" Gaara tried to say but before he could even finish the word he was pinned to the bed. His father was on top of him straddling him and Gaara's hands were crushed in the mans grip. He struggled under his father and made to yell as his was gagged.

"I'm going to fuck you boy, and then I'm going to kill you, you ruined my life by being born, I'm going to ruin yours…This will be painful."

His father undid his son's pants and pulled them right off. With one hand he flipped him over and began to hit Gaara's ass. He was adding his chakra to each hit and soon Gaara was dizzy with pain. He felt his dads hand slip between his legs and grasp him. Gaara tried to resist him, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with pleasure. Gaara tried to ignore the sickness of the act, but told himself this is what people who loved each other did. Soon he was hard and throbbing, bucking his hips into his father's hand wanting and needing more.

His father stopped. Gaara heard him walk about the room. He watched his tears create spots the bed sheet, before he could clear his eyes he was flipped over onto his back. In his father's hand was a razor blade. He put it to his son's skin under his belly button and sliced. Gaara let out a scream, which was muffled by large hand. Gaara's his eyes rolled back into his head. Time was moving slowly, maybe it was even coming to a halt. He lost count of cuts his father had made, had he even started counting? His body felt wet, was it blood? He was beginning to lose feeling in his arms and legs. His father touched a pleasurable spot on his body, he was too unfocused to understand what and where, until pain rippled through him from his crotch.

Gaara was paralyzed, he felt like his skin was being pealed off and metal slabs were crushing his more private places. It was agonising, he didn't know if he was screaming or crying, if his head was really splitting like it felt or if parts of his body had been severed completely off. He was becoming numb and merely looked ahead unfocused. Was this really happening to him, or was he sleepwalking? Perhaps he fell asleep watching Saw again. Though his usual nightmares didn't spin so badly. He hardly registered when his father turned him over on to his stomach. The only reason he knew was there were black blotches from lack of air dancing in his vision.

"This is going to hurt; I'm going to hurt you like you have hurt me." His fathers voice broke like lightning through the darkness of his eyelids. Were his eyes closed, or was he blind? Maybe it was his blanket? He remembered thinking that he should have done the washing. Strange the thoughts that come.

Gaara lost conciseness as his father was about enter him. The last thing Gaara felt was his demon Shukaku waiting to take over his body.

The next thing Gaara knew he was in the hospital. From what information he managed to gather, Temari and Kankuro had come home and into Gaara's room as he lost consciousness. The demon Shukaku hadn't managed to take over his body.

They had gotten their father off him and rushed him to the hospital. The medic nins, were able to wake Gaara up, before Shukaku was unleashed. While he was recovering, Temari had pressed charges on their father, but on a random and unfair change of events the village asked them to leave. Saying that Gaara was too dangerous to be there and the life of his father the Sunagakure was more important. If Gaara stayed he would tarnish the sand's image, and therefore had to go, or be killed. The entire council had overlooked that Gaara had almost been raped.

Gaara sighed, '_and now I'm here_.'

The memory of that day haunted him still. He turned on the shower and let the water wash over him. He touched the scars on his stomach; they were deep and still healing. Scabs had formed and Gaara could trace out every slash his father had taken. They went from his belly button down wards to his thighs. He was torn between intense rage, a desire to lose control and kill, and a great sadness. He wanted to be the scared little boy he was - he had been. He wanted to scream and yell – 'to hell with life!' But he couldn't, he had always been a killer. He had always destroyed everything he touched. He bent over and cradled his legs, letting the water redden the skin on his back. After a moment, a tear dropped onto his leg and disappeared down the drain.

The next morning he awoke early. He had managed to fall asleep sometime after 4am. That's when he had stopped watching the alarm clock.

The sun was almost up and a little speck was shining right though his window on to his face, "mm fuck school." He mumbled and rolled over. Konoha had surprisingly comfy beds. For the insomniac of the century that was defiantly a plus.

"You have to go." Said Kankuro who was sitting at the end of his bed.

"Why the fuck are you watching me sleep?"

"Because I care about you and I'm here for you," Kankuro gave a big cheesy salesperson grin. "And someone needs to make sure you go to school. It won't be that bad…"

Kankuro handed him some bacon and eggs with toast." Temari made some breakfast…You didn't eat dinner last night so...anyway, eat, get up and I'll walk you to school. How's that for incentive ha!"

Kankuro left the room grinning to himself. Garra smiled slightly, he was glad his brother cared, they had gotten closer over the years and Gaara was glad to have someone like him. He picked at his breakfast. It was good, Temari was good at cooking he would give her that. He always missed her food when she was on missions. Not that he ever ate it all, but it was comforting because it was a constant.

He got up and stretched, it was too early for this. He found in his wardrobe that whoever had picked his clothes had good taste. He put on some black skinny leg jeans and a long sleeve fish net shirt. He then went over to the bag he had brought and pulled out a blue top which he put over the fish net, it read, 'rock is dead, paper killed it.' The shirt was a present that Kankuro had gotten him for his birthday a long time ago. He didn't really like it, but it fit well. Lastly he put some black eyeliner around his eyes, along with a pink and orange hemp bracelet that was on the dresser. Numbly he smoothed hair down over the 'love' symbol on his forehead and picked up the new shoulder bag from the ground. He saw that it already had books and pens in it, so grabbing that and his timetable he went down stairs.

Kankuro was waiting at the door to walk him to school and smiled up at his brother.

"You look good Gaara," he purred, "you just need some pink sparkly hairclips." He joked.

"Shut up, are you going to walk me or not?" Gaara said reaching for his gourd.

"Yeah, yeah, come on. Wait leave that here. It makes you look creepy."

"Fine," Gaara said letting go of his sand with a sigh.

"Goodbye boys!" Temari's voice rang from the kitchen.

They walked in silence observing their new home. People turned and watched them, their ninja bands showed that they were of the sand and the sand was once an enemy of the leaf. Gaara wore his on his on his upper arm, but felt as though everyone in the street had seen it anyway. They turned a corner together and saw the building with a sign out front saying Konoha high: Ninja Academy in large block letters.

"Good luck.' Said Kankuro who had already disappeared up the road they had just walked down.

"Fuck…. Fuck fuck." Gaara said under his breath, as he took a few steps forward into the school, he really didn't want to do this.

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**Read and review.**

**Next chapter: Day one.**

**by the waaay, justto clarify Gaara can fall asleep - insomniac but he CAN, however when he gets knocked unconscious **by someone else Shukaku takes over. so in a fight he would get knocked out only to get up as Shukaku. That's how its gonna work for this fic anyway.

**-Arrow**


	2. Chapter 2

**for this chapter - dw is don't worry.26/06/2013**

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Chapter 2: Day one.

_"Fuck…. Fuck fuck." Gaara said under his breath, as he took a few steps forward into the school, he really didn't want to do this._

First thing Gaara did was quickly locate any sources of sand. Luckily there was a lot of it, the path was made of, or at least covered in sand and rocks. In areas, patches of determined grass had poked through. In his head Gaara cursed Kankuro for telling him not to bring his gourd. He was unprotected and the sand on the ground was measly and white and pathetic compared to his. His feet scrunched over the gravel. He watched his shoes, green converse he had put on this morning. They were ones he and Temari bought together; she had the light blue version.

He had his head down, students were everywhere chatting and laughing. He was hoping that if he didn't make eye contact he would stay invisible.

His senses sharpened with the feeling he was about to walk into a wall as the wind flew out of him.

Gaara flew backwards. His eyes widened, since when did _he_ get hit? He grabbed out blindly looking for something,_ anything_, and found a hand. But it didn't help he hit the ground, and who's ever hand he grabbed fell on top of him.

He looked up into the sky wishing that the world would swallow him whole.

He heard a roar of laughter, and then sudden quiet. Sand whirled around him protecting him from any further attacks.

"Sorr.. What the fuck!" cried the boy that was still on top of him. "What the hell is going on here?"

Gaara looked at the boy who he had bumped into and consequently pulled down on top of him. He had red markings on his face, and spiky brown hair. He was well-built and Gaara could feel the contours of his muscles against him.

"Did… Did you do this?" The boy said looking down at him.

Gaara looked up into the boys eyes, they were black slits.

"Um..," Gaara noticed the surrounding students shock at the sand, and set it back down. He watched as the boy started to get up, and searched his eyes for signs of distress.

"Its alright, my own defence was trying to fight," said the boy laughing and pointing to a dog, that seemed happy his master was safe.

"Here," said the boy putting out his hand.

Gaara looked at the hand. Nobody touched him, and he certainly didn't touch others. He turned from the offer and helped himself off the ground. Half way through the boys hand shot out to his shoulder. Gaara felt his insides tense, but the hand pulled him straight and steady, and then withdrew.

"I'm Kiba," The boy gave a massive grin and stood next to him to face the group of watching students.

Gaara suddenly became very aware of the heat the boy was emitting. They were standing close, too close for Gaara to be comfortable. He felt the blood shoot to his face and quickly put his head down. His mind raced, he didn't understand the sensations rushing through his body. When he didn't know and understand something, his mind snapped back to something he did, the need for blood.

He felt it pulse through the air. Triple his heart rate. Burn through his vision.

"Fuck." Gaara muttered under his breath. Blood thirst was a feeling he understood, but when he gave into it, it never turned out well. A flash of the little girls terrified face appeared when closed his eyes. He turned and quickly walked away from the Kiba boy and the group without looking back.

"That was odd." Said Kiba to his friends, "He didn't tell me his name…"

"That was one of the sand ninja." Said another boy with white eyes and long black hair, "an incredibly powerful one too by the looks of things."

"Did you see the mark on his forehead?" said a pink haired girl, "I think it said love..."

"I heard that he was raped."

"That's stupid Choji" said a boy with a short ponytail. "I heard he killed his family."

Another group walking past heard this conversation.

"Did you see that boy? I heard that he was raped! I bet he is a rogue ninja."

"I heard he was beaten by his brother."

"Nah his soul was taken over by a demon, I'm serious I heard it from a friend of a friend who lives in the sand!"

"Nah my friend said he came from a village hidden in the blood, and they were going to sacrifice him, but he killed the entire village in one go!"

It was as quickly as that the rumours spread.

Gaara had run inside the nearest building, and into the boy's bathrooms.

"Fuck," he hissed to himself, "what the fuck was that!"

He pushed a door and locked himself in a stall. The wood was cold, he dropped is bag and pressed his hands against it. His head was throbbing, he was hot. AA layer of sweat covered his chest, as if he was wrapped in plastic. He put one hand through his hair and listened to his heart beat in his ears. He willed the little girls face out of his mind's eye. He rubbed his stomach to the rhythm and blinked until his eyesight was clear. Before he knew it, he was rustling his hand through the top of his pubic hair. Lightly he shifted his hips and tensed the muscles in his groin. Ripples of pleasure tickled through his body. He put his head against the wall. It felt good, and he dared to do it again, this time his hand applied pressure too. For a moment he stayed in this motion and the Kiba boy was swam in his mind.

"Fuck!" he said, his eyes snapping open, "think about a girl."

But the truth was, Gaara had never been in love with a girl, or talked to any except for his sister, or even found any attractive. But that wasn't saying much, he wasn't traditionally a sexual soul. He closed his eyes and his thoughts slipped back to the Kiba boy again – the first person not in his family to dare to touch him, but before he could gain any pleasure his mind snapped back to _that_ day. The last images of his dad cutting him swam into his head. Gaara groaned, why did this always had to happen when he wanted a release, to just feel good. Why did his mind have to think of that? Gaara pulled at his hair, his eyes squeezing shut. Why couldn't he be a mouse in a lab hitting the pleasure button? He just wanted to feel good, was it so much to ask! His breath was static for a moment before he bent over and vomited his breakfast into the toilet. With his boner well and truly gone, he started to yack up stomach acid and bile. His eyes were stinging and tears were running down his face as he dry reached into the bowl. Around him he could hear faint voices, but they were fading. His vision was going black as he struggled to take breaths. The door to his cubical burst opened as he was just about to pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Fuck are you okay?"

Gaara felt hands on him, he kept gagging yet nothing came out.

"Hey, hey it's ok, relax."

It was the boy with the white eyes, they were round like mirrors, ones that looked as if they were about to crack. Gaara lay his head on the wall of the cubicle and willed the pain to slide from his face.

"Here, water." The boy said handing him a bottle, "my name is Neji."

Gaara drank in some water but spat a lot out unable to swallow. Shaking all over he bent over the toilet bowl again. He tried to rid himself of the images of his father. Faintly he felt Neji put his arm around him trying to calm him down.

"It's ok. Everything is alright, we didn't mean to frighten you…"

Gaara gapped at him lightly.

"Back by the gates. Naruto can get a bit hyper, he pushed Kiba into -…"

Behind them a boy walked into the toilets, seeing Neji hugging the boy the whole school were talking about, a smile grew on his face and he ran out.

_'Damit'_ thought Neji, _'who knows what rumors are going to start now, this boy doesn't look like he would be able to handle this gossip well.'_

Gaara willed himself to stop shaking and started to get up, Neji seemed determined to provide unneeded arm support. Together they walked over to the sink. Gaara looked in the mirror, his makeup was smudged a bit around his eyes but he left it, there was no point trying to fix it without makeup remover. Aggressively he started to fix his hair, only to stop as he felt Neji touch him. He became aware that the white eyes hand was still on his shoulder and Neji had taken something out of his hair. With white grin that matched his eyes, he showed him the grass which must have gotten there when he fell.

Gaara's heart missed a beat and something stirred in him, a feeling which he only got when his brother and sister hugged him. This boy wasn't scared of him, nor was he repulsed or purposely ignoring him. Gaara felt himself tense, another unknown situation, another surge of blood lust. He stepped out of Neji's grasp and gave a small forced smile. To his relief, Neji chuckled.

"Glad to see you're human after all."

Gaara found himself staring deeply into the pearlescent gaze. How could someone have such beautiful eyes? It seemed so unfair.

"So are you going to tell me your name, or should I call you love?" He said while pointing to the mark on his forehead. Neji paused waiting for Gaara to say something.

"Or perhaps lovely?" Neji said with a wicked grin.

'_This is too much'_ thought Gaara, wondering how much more blood could rush to his face.

"My… Name is..." he whispered delicately to Neji, who leaned closer to hear, "is… Gaara."

There was a pause and Gaara looked down, Neji wasn't speaking. Twitching his lips he turned and fled the bathroom leaving Neji frozen. With blood pumping to his head Gaara ran to his first class_, _while his mind yelled insults on his stupidity_. _He took out his timetable. He had missed twenty something minutes of Kurenai Yuhi's class on _'tracking and Genjutsu..._' Room 4C. He looked up and read door - 4C. _H_is eyes widened and he backed away from the door slowly, after a few paces he turned around and started walking in the other direction, but before he could get away the door was opened and a women with shaggy brown hair and red eyes was staring at him.

"So you're the new boy! Got lost did you, well come on in!" She grabbed him by the arm. "I am your teacher Kurenai Yuhi. Your name was Gaara right? Our new sand ninja! Take a seat, there is one over there next to Neji and Kiba. Gaara looked dully at the empty seat.

"Now, let's continue the lesson, tracking is the art of being able to tell where your enemy has been and is, thus allowing you to set up an ambush…"

Gaara was in his seat, he felt all eyes on him and it was uncomfortable to say the least. He tried to ignore the prickling sensation at the back of his neck and get into the boring lesson. He never had the need for tracking anyway, he preferred to stand in the open and let everyone watch as he crushed his opponents in a sand coffin.

"Now I want you turn your books to page 37 and do the exercises, I expect total quiet. Gaara you can use this book while I get a fresh one for you from the office." Said Kurenai leaving the room.

Gaara turned to the page and gazed over the outline, just as he thought, looks fucking boring. _Question 1: _he wrote on his page. Suddenly two paper notes were thrown on his book, one from either side of him, he opened the first.

_So your name is Gaara? Sorry if we scared you earlier._

Looking back down at the page he wrote: _that's fine. Dw about it, __a_nd handed it back.

Looking down at the second piece of paper, (which must have been from Neji) he swallowed hard and opened it, it read: _hey Gaara. I didn't mean to freak you out, are you okay? Neji._

Gaara sighed and wrote: _'I'm fine, Dw about it.'_ And gave it back to Neji.

Why couldn't they just leave him alone? This was the third situation in less than an hour he didn't know how to handle. What was with people! Gaara let out a shaky breath, his inner demon was purring. Shikaku knew how to deal with troublesome situations. Gaara felt anger swim before his eyes. He felt a surge of blood shoot through his system. Outside sand started moving about. He wanted to kill them, all of them. Escape from this. Escape. Escape. Escape. He needed out, right now and the only way he knew how, was by staining the air with their blood. He couldn't deny the idea was as pleasurable as the moment back in the bathroom. But this was on a different level altogether. He felt his mind being over taken. His vision wavered and his eyes shut. He leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh. Pleasure over took his body and he started to feel high from the thoughts of blood. Gaara was unaware that his body was shaking, that sand was rising up outside the windows of the classroom, and pressing itself there as if trying to reach him. He hardly felt Neji and Kiba shaking him, he just saw images of bodies, their bodies and blood, he could _almost _smell the blood. All he needed to do was kill someone then he would be at peace. Absently he let out a moan. A sharp pain ran up his spine from his arm. He looked down and saw a dog biting into his wrist. Gaara felt a pulse of anger ignite through him, he went to hit the dog off, but it looked up and hastily retreated. Next to him Kiba was white, on his other side Neji had thick veins around his eyes.

"What was that?" Neji hissed, "Your chakra level almost tripled. I've never seen anyone's do that so dramatically…. What are you?"

Gaara looked at the scared faces around the classroom and at the sand pressed on the windows. He let out a sigh and released it. It fell back to the earth. He looked around, everyone in the classroom had a look of utter terror on their faces, but for some reason those of Neji and Kiba particularly traumatized him. He hadn't intended for this, he just didn't know how to react. He didn't want them to be scared of him. At the thought a powerful wave of sadness rose up; he got out of his seat and wordlessly moved out of the room.

He walked down the hall and began building up his pace. Soon he was sprinting out of the building and away from the school. He had to leave that, he wanted escape. This was escape in a literal sense and it would do. Those faces and the need for blood – he needed to escape that, run from himself. So he did, he ran away, he didn't know where he was going, but he didn't really care.

Out of breath he stopped in a park, there he collapsed not quite making it to a bench. What a shit day.

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Next chapter is : Destructive personality.

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	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N 11/08/13 updated and redone... Taken a lot of the lemonish type bits in this chapter. Oh god what was i thinking! *dies of shame* but don't worry it will still be there. it was all just going to fast and too shitty. I really like this chapter now, and am liking this story more. Gaara (in this story) is coming along, his reasons for things... well i like it! tell me if you do to. I am keen to hear from people who read it before i changed it. Hopefully are still fans. I will get onto the next chapter now. :)_**

* * *

_He walked down the hall and began building up his pace. Soon he was sprinting out of the building and away from the school. He had to leave that, he wanted escape. This was escape in a literal sense and it would do. Those faces and the need for blood – he needed to escape that, run from himself. So he did, he ran away, he didn't know where he was going, but he didn't really care._

_Out of breath he stopped in a park, there he collapsed not quite making it to a bench. What a shit day._

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**Chapter 3: destructive personality.**

He lay in the park, looking up at the trees, he wanted to escape. To fade, to run away from this. He needed something, anything. He closed his eyes and then jerked up right as something moved on his face. In his lap was a leaf. He rolled it between his fingers, it was smooth and waxy. There wasn't trees or leaves like this in the Sand. He rolled onto his stomach, across the field there was a public toilet. He sighed to himself, he was calmer now. Hits of anxiety boiled up inside when he thought of going back to school tomorrow though. He stood up, he needed to leave these thoughts here. Wash his face, fix his hair. Brushing his hair always made him calmer. Actually doing something had to help. He walked across the grass to the toilets.

They were dirty inside, but what did he expect from public toilets. Beigeish brown, or maybe it was just caked in dirt. He looked at himself in the mirror which hardly showed a reflection, it was so scratched. Too scratched to fix his hair or makeup – typical of public toilets. He leaned his arms on the sink and ran the water through his hands. The tap screeched and he turned it off quicker than he wanted to. He rubbed his face and let out the frustrated breath. He turned his watch, school had ended, how long had he been laying in the park?

He sighed again before straightening up, his neck prickled. He turned around to see a messy man sitting on the bench. Black and white arm warmers and high wasted business pants, the man could have looked nice, but he was as dirty as the toilets around him. He was looking over at Gaara with a mild interest.

"Here kid, you look like you need this." Said the man holding out his hand.

Gaara hesitated only for a second before taking the item. He received a small snap lock bag, within it was white powder. Gaara looked to the man and raised his eyebrows.

"Rub it into your gums, it makes you feel better."

Gaara twitched his mouth to the side, "drugs?"

The guy shrugged, stood up and took a pinch from the bag. He rubbed it onto his gums. "Tastes like chicken, if you're not interested I'll get it back."

Gaara looked down again at the powder. The guy had said it would make him feel better, that sounded like a miracle. He took some out and started to rub it in to his gums, it had no taste.

"Little bit more if you want it to do anything."

Gaara poured more into his hand, rubbed it into his teeth and put what was left into his pocket. He wasn't sure what made him do it, but this man had given him a way out and he was going to take it.

"Good work, now come, sit, have a drink with me." The man showed him a bottle of vodka. Although Gaara was underage and knew it, (having only just turned 17) he took the bottle from the man and sat down beside him.

"Bottoms up." Said the man, holding up another bottle with brown liquid in it.

Gaara opened the lid and started to drink. He didn't stop till he was a half the way in.

"That was a mighty good effort!" Said the guy with a smile, "How you feeling?"

Gaara hadn't noticed but he had started to become numb. He shrugged "Good I think." He heard himself slur.

"Sounds 'bout right. You drank like a man going to his death what's eating you?"

Gaara frowned and eyed the man. He shrugged again and took another swig.

"Okay, don't talk. Your eyes lit right up when I said it will make you feel better though. So how about I make your mind explode with a good feeling."

Gaara turned to face the man, who grinned and raised one eyebrow. Gaara didn't know how to respond. He closed his eyes. Lightly something brushed his neck. Gaara twitched, the man was licking his ear!

"I want to hear you moan kid."

Teeth started nibbling his earlobe. Gaara 's hands were shaking. His vision was blanking in and out. He felt a hand snaking down his back and another up his leg. He looked and his belt was undone. He heard himself exhale deeply as the man sucked his neck. It did feel good. The guy stopped. There was a hand in his pants. Gaara tried in vain to stop him but his hands weren't moving. He felt drunk and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. He let his body go limp, what else could he do?

"Ahh that's a good boy. Sit still now. Let's have some fun."

Gaara felt his eyes roll back as a cold hand came into contact with his warm skin. The sensation was both good and bad. The cold was centering itself between his legs and then it stopped. He squinted through his drowsy eyes and saw that out of nowhere two massive white dogs had appeared. For a moment Gaara thought he was hallucinating, but then one of the dogs bit hard into the dirty guy and threw him into the opposite wall with an almighty growl. The man gave a cry as the other dog joined in the tussle and sank its teeth into his arm. The first one bounded over, latched onto Gaara's shirt and ran outside with him dangling by a thread.

They came to the other side of the oval before Gaara was put down. He was back where he collapsed near the bench. He could make out the faces of Neji, a boy with brown hair in a ponytail and a dog. Wait… no, Neji, the brown haired boy and Kiba, although he could have sworn he saw a dog. Neji once again had large veins around his eyes.

"He looks like he has been drugged." Said one of them, "notice the size of his pupils."

"I saw a vodka bottle in there." Another said.

"Mm fuck, call Akamaru let's get out of here."

He felt himself being picked up and put in a car, on to the boy's laps. A small dog jumped in with them.

"I could hav swornnnn zat dowg was bigga n therr was twoo of em." Gaara managed to say.

"Glad to see you can kind of speak." The brown haired boy said.

Gaara looked up at him. "My name is Shikamaru. Call me Shika." Shikamaru's eyes were studying him.

"There were two and he was bigger, just relax now Gaara, we will look after you." Kiba said to the red head before looking up at the others, "My house is closer, and my mum doesn't get back till much later."

"Ok we will go to yours, driver take us to Kiba Inuzuka's house."

"Yes sir," said another voice.

Gaara felt like he was floating over the ground, like he was watching his body from the outside. It was amazing. He smiled up at the roof of the car and let his body go limp. His mind wandered out of the car and away from the voices around him.

* * *

Shikamaru frowned as the red heads eyes glazed over, "he is well and truly out of it."

Kiba shifted next to him, "do you, do you think... we should te-"

"No," Neji butted in, "no need."

"What about the guy in the toilets though?" Kiba answered his eyes hardening at the Hyuuga.

"He is another matter, but I don't think it's related. However, just in case, I will go once he is safety to yours."

Kiba nodded and a silence fell over the car. Rocks skidded on the road and the engine purred to the rhythm of their thoughts.

"He is kind of pretty."

Both Kiba and Neji turned to stare at Shikamaru, who shrugged as best he could. "What? She said he was pretty!"

Kiba threw his head back and laughed while Neji quirked his lips and gave a small nod.

The car came to a halt.

"Ok Kiba, take him in and put him somewhere." Shikamaru said, "I will go see Sakura and see if she can come and take a look at him."

"And I will be over as soon as I can." Neji commented.

* * *

Gaara felt his arm going around someone's neck and his body being lifted. He opened his eyes and the world rotated into place. He faintly saw a country style house, with an over grown garden. He found it odd that it had chickens and ducks and lots of dogs in it. He giggled, he was hallucinating dogs!

The inside of the house was country themed, with the smell of dog. He saw the stairs under his head and a bed room with a big bed. That's where he fell onto the bouncy softness that he was sinking into and being enveloped by. His body was so exhausted, but his mind wasn't sleepy at all.

"Hnmm," Gaara mumbled. "No swleepy mind."

"Yes? Are you ok?"

Gaara stared mildly at the dog nin, "milk chocolate, or chocolate milk?"

Kiba blinked a few times, his wide eyes open and mouth turned up in a comical manner. "Uh chocolate milk I guess..."

Gaara frowned and nodded before closing his eyes. He could sense Kiba hovering above him, "Gaara... I will be right back; I'm going to get you some water and a warm towel."

He heard the other boy leave with the soft footfalls on the carpet, and then the squeak of shoes down the hall. His mind was racing, with seemingly important thoughts. Shoes… Shoes are strange, like bits of comfortable floor strapped to your feet. Gaara rolled over and shook his head. Converse, just expensive portable flooring. It was a scam! How could no one else see this! He closed his eyes again. He couldn't look at his scam shoes a moment longer. When Kiba returned, it felt like a century had passed waiting. Gaara felt like he had aged like old cheese. He tried to laugh at his absurd thoughts.

"If you're listening Gaara I think you should have a bath, you're real messy. You need to be cleaned up. Nod or shake your head if you hear me and agree."

Gaara twitched his head; it was all he could manage. He had been told to nod his head, but it occurred to him that he had no idea what for. He twitched his head again; maybe he could communicate just with head twitches. That would be better than talking to Kankuro.

Kiba helped Gaara up and they walked into his bathroom where a hot bath was waiting.

Gaara felt shy hands moving his clothes away. Warning bells went off in his head, but for the life of him he couldn't understand why. There was something… He frowned to himself, there was a soothing voice, he pursed his lips, he was meant to be worried about something. There was something he wasn't meant to do. His eyebrows furrowed as the last item of clothing was removed.

"Now let me see." Gaara mumbled, he put his hands together. He was really trying hard to think properly, but his mind was slipping back to the atrocity of shoes! A hand towel was placed in his hand and absently he started to clench it, not even realizing he was in the bathtub. While the dog nin helped him wash! He heard someone murmured something. It sounded nice, he felt like a little bird getting food from its mother. He lay down and smiled.

"Little birdy, tweet wee."

There was a chuckle and Gaara smiled again. Bird were strange, they could fly. He wanted to fly.

"I would like to fly."

"Let's start by getting the grass out of your hair."

He heard that. He frowned and opened his eyes. It was bright and there was a strange fog, or was it steam, was he in a bathroom? How in the hell had he gotten there! Gaara felt the alarm bells come back in full force. How was he in a bathroom? He looked down and his eyes widened, he was naked. He felt wave after wave of very sobering anxiety flow through him.

"Gaara are you alight?"

Gaara's head shot up, Kiba was sitting on the edge of the bath, shirtless. For a moment Gaara was lost in the image of the wet Adonis with strangely divine fog around him, before the gravity of the situation sunk in, in the way of his scars. He was naked. Kiba was there. Kiba had seen his scars. The thought hit him like a tidal wave and he sprung up out of the bath, showering Kiba in more water. He slipped slightly in his effort and felt strong arms catch him. He could hear Kiba talking urgently. But Gaara mustered all his strength and pushed the dog nin away, and grabbed a towel. He heard the splash as Kiba fell backwards. But he didn't stop; he shoved his legs in his pants and sprinted down the stairs doing in the zipper on the way.

"No, noo wait, Gaara!" he heard the shout come from the house, but he was already moving. Fleeing from the site. He couldn't look back, couldn't stop. He was panting hard, but only stopped once he got to his house and burst inside. Kankuro and Temari looked up from the lounge room, their eyes immediately filled with concern seeing the state Gaara was in.

"Gaara, what's up little brother?" Kankuro raced up the stairs behind the red head and found a door slam in his face.

"Just leave me alone, I'm fine." Came the reply. It was hazy and Kankuro frowned.

"Catch your breath Gaara, and talk to me."

Gaara buried his face into the pillow. He was embarrassed beyond belief and more than that he was sad. He was ashamed and felt dirty. Another person had seen his scars, his shame, they were his past and Kiba had just… seen.

"GAARA!" Shouted Kankuro as he burst through the door. "Now what's going on? What's the matter?"

Gaara felt overwhelmed, he felt the tears rise to his throat, and he started to break down, as Kankuro came over.

"What happened, tell me everything."

Gaara hesitated only for a moment before each horrible happening of his day spilled from his lips.

"I see." Kankuro made eye contact with Temari at the door, she gave a silent nod and left to see Lady Tsunade about the man with the drugs.

"Hey its ok though, you're here now, and your scars, well they are just that. Scars, past not present. Fuck anyone who gives you shit about them. This Kiba boy, he was trying to help, and I have done my fair share of drugs. You know that, sometimes you need a way out. This Kiba boy was doing his best, it seems to me. Come tomorrow things won't seem so bad."

Gaara frowned, he wanted Kankuro to stop talking, it was like his brother was dwelling on it and trying to help, was making it worse, and making him think about it more. He wanted to not think. He just wanted to be invisible, not to have to deal with these things. He just wanted to be one of those people, hermit type people live in a cave and just be away from the world. Failing that he would settle to be a normal 17 year old. Thinking about girls, getting high, all the stuff he watched his brother do. But he couldn't and he knew that, after all he had a demon inside of him. Shukaku, who was always there, laughing, adding little snide comments. Planting seeds of doubt and creating pits of anger. Gaara was linked to the demon; his mood was often controlled by it. He often thought he had no personality and no mood, the demon gave him everything. Perhaps he didn't have a soul either, he had been told so often enough. His only talent, his gift for killing people didn't help him on his path either. He had thought of joining the ANBU at one point, but they didn't want him. He, because of Shukaku was too unpredictable, too uncontrollable and more than that, he was a danger to everyone if and when he finally snapped.

"What am I suppose to do."

Kankuro cut his spiel on the badassness of scars short and looked at his brother seriously.

"With my life Kankuro."

Kankuro grinned, "oh good you have hit the angst, 'everything is pointless' stage. It can only get better from here!"

Gaara punched his brother on the shoulder, "I'm serious."

"Ouch, Look little bro, this is how you are meant to feel, hopeless, you against the big wide world. Pointless and above all insignificant."

Gaara deadpanned, "great. Thanks for making me feel better."

"My point is that everyone feels that way." Kankuro lay down next to him on the bed.

"Everyone?

"Guarantee it."

Gaara curled himself up and listened to his brother ramble on about life. He could feel the vibrations of his voice against his back, and it was nice.

* * *

"What happened?"

Kiba put a hand through his wild hair, "he ran away, quick as a feline for someone so drugged!"

Neji sat on the couch, "and that's why you're shirtless..?"

"Why did he run?" Shikamaru cut in before Kiba could snap back at the Hyuuga.

"I dunno." Kiba ran his hand through his hair again - a nervous habit in the making.

"Well what exactly did he say?" Neji hissed coldly.

"I dunno!" Kiba threw his hands in the air, "He was talking crap!"

"Like..?" Shikamaru sat down next to Neji.

"Like, he asked me, milk chocolate or chocolate milk."

Shikamaru looked at him seriously, "and what did you say?"

Kiba hesitated, "chocolate milk..?"

"Why did you say that, it's obviously milk chocolate!"

Kiba blanched, "How is it obviously milk chocolate! That makes no sense, are you frickin listening to yourself!" Kiba began to yell, before he realised Shikamaru was playing with him, "fuck you."

Shikamaru gave an amused smirk before turning to Neji. "This boy is troublesome."

"I agree, but that's beside the point."

"He is covered in scars." Kiba said sitting down on the couch.

Silence fell over the three boys.

* * *

Gaara awoke early the next morning and immediately the previous day flooded back into his mind. He lay there; his alarm clock said 5:01AM. He watched the numbers flick by for 5 minutes and then decided to have a shower. He felt melancholy yet calm, though he was pensive as though he had in the last 24 hours lived a full life time of experiences. He was drained, used and worn like an old knitted jumper. One that was unraveling from multiple places. The water drummed a rhythm into his back. He would have to face the day. Face school, face the whispering students, face Neji and face Kiba. The thought made nervous bile rise into his mouth. He swallowed it back down and winced at the acidity in his throat. Kiba would avoid him now, probably Neji would too. At least he wouldn't be spoken to then. He wouldn't have to deal with situations he didn't know how to deal with, wouldn't have to resort to a feeling of total bloodlust. Wouldn't have to have blood rushing to his face when Kiba stood next to him, or when Neji called him lovely. Gaara put his head in his hands. His scars, if they knew what he had done, they wouldn't talk to him either, and after what they saw yesterday he wouldn't blame them. Gaara was still for a moment, a wave of nausea swept over him and before he realised he was vomiting. It had hit him as heavy and as unexpected as a dropped brick and it left him queasy and already out of energy.

After awhile, the heat was making him feel dehydrated; he opened his mouth and swallowed some of the hot shower water before pulling himself up with help from the door frame. He wrapped a towel around himself and stumbled to his dresser. He felt, well, he felt like shit, as Kankuro would say. He put on some skinny acid wash jeans that zipped up at the sides and went to grab his fishnet shirt, which was gone; he remembered that he had left it at Kiba's. Instead he grabbed a red shirt reading 'death. The nation's number one killer', his red converse shoes and slathered on some eyeliner. He hesitated remembering a distant thought about shoes from yesterday but shook it out of his head. Everything about yesterday made him feel worse. He looked at the clock, it now said 7:00 am. He grabbed a comb and ran it through his hair, after a while, feeling satisfied with his appearance he went down stairs.

At his kitchen table talking with Kankuro and Temari was Neji, Kiba and another boy he didn't recognize. Gaara spotted them and turned around and walked right back up the stairs again. In a panic Kankuro jumped out of his seat.

"Gaara! Come back," he said running after him, he managed to grab his hand and pull him back down stairs. "Your ..Friends.?… Have …Come …To …See …..You." Kankuro spluttered as he struggled. "And breakfast is ready!"

"Fine." Hissed Gaara. "and don't touch me." He snatched his hand back and cradled it into his chest. He ignored all the stares he was no doubt getting and went and sat down on the other side of the table to everyone else. He looked at the knots in the wood, _they _were here. Gaara had spent his time in the shower being generally miserable, not thinking of how he could actually deal with this. How he would face them. Plus how could he have guessed that something like this would happen!

"Here," said Temari putting a plate of pancakes in front of him. He jumped in his seat, having been deeply in thought. "It's alright Gaara." She said in what he supposed was meant to be a soothing voice.

"I'm not hungry."

"You didn't eat dinner." Replied Temari, "eat….I like your shirt."

Gaara just glared in her direction. Reaching into his bag he pulled out his school book to do some homework he had been given but he spotted something else, which made him gasp. The snap lock baggy with the white powder was in there, apparently he didn't have much yesterday, there was heaps left. If he could do some more, he would get that overwhelming happy feeling again, and maybe he would outlast the day.

"Gaara, this is Shikamaru Nara you met yesterday, but… Any way you can just call him Shika." Said Neji looking up hopefully at Gaara, trying to meet his gaze. But Gaara's attention was elsewhere.

"Gaara!" Yelled Temari hitting him on the side of the head.

"What? Oh, hey Shika." Said Gaara looking up at his guests properly, first to Shika, then Neji who was staring at him, his gaze was powerful like he was trying to read his mind. Shikamaru just had a look of boredom as Temari talked his head off. Kiba's eyes were down.

"Gaara, neither me nor Temari will be here this weekend so we have arranged for you to stay with Neji or Kiba." Said Kankuro.

"I'm not a baby, I can stay here."

"Well whatever, it's an idea. Just letting you know. I think it's time you guys walked to school though."

"Wait Gaara you didn't finish your breakfast!" Yelled Temari as they walked out the door.

The four of them walked in silence, waiting for the others to break it. Gaara was used to silence so didn't find it nearly as uncomfortable as the others. He got out his timetable to see what he had first up, it read.

_Period 1: Iruka Umino: controlling your chakra: room 7F._

"Hey!" Said Shika reading over his shoulder, "I think we have the same class first up as you, well I do at least. Iruka then you have gym with Guy."

"Yes I have that first up also." Said Neji.

"I don't, I have Ninjutsu, with Kakashi then gym, so I guess I'll see you then." Said Kiba as he turned and left towards the large oval.

Neji sat down next to Gaara in their first period. After the shitty and nerve racking morning Gaara had had, he was pleasantly calm. His mind was firmly in his bag, more specifically on an item in his bag. Lucky that he wasn't paying attention, as the entire class was whispering about him. They quieted down when Neji's head whipped around with the famous Hyuuga glare that promised pain. For some reason when they did suddenly go quiet, Gaara started listening. He could hear a girl saying that he was a drug dealer, but it didn't seem to bother him as much as it would of, today he had a secret and a way out. This thought alone gave him the courage to ignore everything that would have normally made him upset.

Eventually Iruka came in and told them to open their books and read the chapter on ways to help control your Chakra, and that they would be going over it and practicing the techniques tomorrow. Gaara started to read the words on the page. Over and over again he read the first line, not actually taking anything in. A note was placed on Gaara's table and he supposed it was better than reading the first line again. He guessed it was from Neji and sighed as he opened it, it read:

_Gaara. Are you ok? Why did you run from Kiba's yesterday? We were worried. You were in a bad condition, I know it's not my place, but I want to make sure you are alright. Are you ok?_

He sighed again, and wrote back. _Yes it isn't your place._ Before giving the note back.

Looking back down to his book he began to read the first line again. Yet a moment passed and the note was back, it read:

_Can I talk to you sometime? Please. _Gaara paused and gave in,_ sometime, _he wrote back.

The rest of the class went quickly. He packed his stuff and got up and out the door in a hurry, not wanting to stay.

"Gaara wait!" He heard Neji shout. The white eye quickly caught up to him, and pulled him sideways into an unused classroom.

"Gaara…" Neji said.

Gaara pushed himself up against the wall of the classroom, he felt cornered.

"Gaara please calm down, I just want to see if you're okay. We were really worried about you. I know you don'-"

Gaara frowned, and like a fire in an instant his anger ignited.

"What the fuck would you _know_? You don't _know_ me. You don't know anything about me. Stay the fuck away from me!"

I pushed the white eye away aggressively and a got to the door of the class room, where as quickly as his anger had come it depleted, "I have to go… Gym…" he said as he left the room. With each step away from Neji his regret grew. He had reacted badly, he didn't like being grabbed and cornered. He had felt like a caged animal. Not that Neji had caged him, it was the situation. He had never dealt with stuff like this before. It was… It was all too much; he broke out into a run till he got to the oval, where the strangest teacher was instructing.

"Ah about time you got here, these are your gym clothes go in there change. And tell the others to hurry up! I have a lesion to teach!"

Gaara walked in the males change rooms. There were masses of naked boys running up and down Averting his eyes he walked up the end looking for a change room with no one in it. Seeing one he walked in, set his clothes down and put his forehead against the wall.

"Hey." Said a voice behind him Gaara turned around to see a very naked Kiba. "So… How was your first class?" Kiba asked acting as if he wasn't naked.

Gaara felt like he had been punched, "It was uh pretty …fine."

Kiba laughed. "That's good. Are you going to get changed?"

"Umm yeah, yeah I am." Said Gaara turning round to face the wall. He stepped from one foot to the other. How to get out of changing in front of Kiba.

"Gaara?" said the dog nin behind him.

"Umm yes..?" Gaara looked around, the boy was still naked. Gaara turned back to the wall and fiddled with his shirt as if he was planning on taking it off.

"I was thinking.. About yesterday.."

Gaara frowned and watched the line of the white bricks. "Mmm."

"And well I think, well I hope you are alright, and I'm really sorry if I crossed a line. I mean Choji gets really high often and I have been stoned out of my mind a number of times, Ino likes pills, but you were pretty out of it. I was worried."

Gaara turned to stop him talking, to stop him. He didn't want to think, he didn't need this kind of shit. But then Kiba kept talking.

"It's just; I didn't know how to handle things. I have never been in that situation before."

Gaara froze, "so you…"

"Well you were really dirty; I thought a bath would help…"

"So when you don't know how to handle a situation you …bath?"

Kiba looked to the side and pulled a gym shirt over his head, "well I uh, I try and help… when I'm in a situation."

Gaara nodded seriously.

"Well, I'll uh… see you out there." Kiba said with an innocent smile

Gaara sat on the bench, Kiba had given him information he could use and more than that the dog nin wasn't avoiding him. The drugs had worked, they had helped him. Gaara took out the baggy and looked at it. How did something so seemingly innocent help him…. Make a friend? He grabbed a smaller dose than yesterday and rubbed it into gums. What came after friendship? Best friends, a girlfriend? He thought for a moment, what else was he suppose to want? Sex and a career?

"Mmm." He slipped on the floor as the drug took over his body and happiness spread throughout him. Noticing he was the last one in the change room he got up, changed, and went outside. He gasped, outside was amazing nature was beautiful.

"Ok now that everyone is here. For those that don't know, I am Guy, your gym teacher and your Taijutsu teacher. Now everyone gather into pairs."

Gaara saw Kiba come and stand next to him.

"Now face your partner. And show me how you can use your teamwork to outsmart the other teams in the obstacle course I have made."

Gaara turned and faced Kiba, he felt waves of energy spread through him. He looked Kiba in the eyes.

"Are you? …What did you do..?"

"Nothing. Its ok." said Gaara getting what would have usually been an uncomfortable (for him) distance closer to Kiba.

"Go Lee!" They heard Guy shout. All the other teams were doing the course, yet none as enthusiastically as one boy who seemed to be in a team by himself with a bowl haircut and bushy eyebrows.

"Sit down with me." Kiba said sitting and looking up at the clouds. Gaara did as requested; he didn't feel like running anyway.

"What did you take?"

"I dunno nothing. Why does it matter?"

"Why did you take something?"

"I dunno. It's alright though."

He heard Kiba sigh, Gaara lay back and looked at the beautiful sky.

"Don't worry. Let's just look at the clouds."

"Yeah ok." said Kiba lying back next to him. Their shoulders were touching.

"I see a rabbit." Gaara muttered.

"I see you." Gaara turned his head, Kiba was watching him. Then slowly, Kiba's hand moved a few strands of red hair out of his eyes. Gaara felt the touch go through him like electricity, and it wasn't bad.

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**Next chapter is: snap**

**R&R **

**D:**

**arrownbow**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto…

**Warnings**: drug use. Self harm! More boy love… ohh isn't the sexual tension over whelming.

*Edit* HAS BEEN FIXED

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**Chapter 4: Snap.**

"_Yeah ok." said Kiba. Gaara didn't notice that Kiba was running his fingers through his hair._

"Come on, class is about to be over, well in 10mins. I'm sure we can go to lunch early…" Kiba said pulling Gaara up.

"Ok." Gaara was in such a good mood, he noticed a blush that was on Kiba's face but wasn't sure whether it was the drugs. Slowly they walked from the oval and to the canteen.

"This is where we sit, do you have any lunch or are you buying?"

"Mm I dunno, I'm not really hungry."

"Ha! I'm not taking that for an answer." Said Kiba grabbing Gaara's hand. "I'll buy you something."

Gaara couldn't help but notice how, amazing Kiba was and their hands were connected. Gaara squeezed it a little, smiling down at it. It felt like there hands were tying them together. _'This drug is amazing.'_ He thought to himself.

"Here," said Kiba not untying their hands from one another. "There's sushi, sandwiches, or hot food. Rice balls? What do you feel like…?"

"Umm sushi, the fish."

Kiba bought the food for them both, Gaara noticed Kiba had a rather large meal of rice balls, a bento box and some raw fish. Gaara was pleased that their hands were still untied, although they got some odd looks from the staff in the canteen, there was no one out as early as them. Slowly Kiba lead him back to their table, and their hands unwound.

"There that wasn't too bad was It." Said Kiba rubbing his hand, "I could have sworn you were going to crush my hand. You were that scared."

'Damit.'

Suddenly classes were out and the canteen was ablaze, Gaara noticed people walking in a wide circle around him, there was a group to the right staring and talking. He heard words like 'love' 'rape' 'drugs' and 'red head' pop up in conversations. They were talking about him, the whole school was talking. _'Fuck. I have to get out of here._' Someone sat down next to him as he put his head in his hands.

"I don't want to be here, I don't want to be here." He said under his breath.

"It's ok Gaara everyone talks about the new guy. Plus you're a sand ninja they want to see what you can do." Gaara looked up and saw that it was Neji talking to him. "Stay here, with me and Kiba. We don't want you to leave."

"Hi guys!" Came a loud voice. Gaara saw that the table somehow had filled up with people; there were some girls but mostly boys.

Gaara noticed Shika who smiled and sat down next to him, and returned to looking for the source of the loud voice, and found it standing on a table. A boy with blonde hair and blue eyes was walking on the table and stopped in front of Gaara.

"Hello! My name is Naruto! It's nice to meet you Gaara of the sand!"

"Um.. Hi." Said Gaara hating the attention.

"Don't mind Naruto," said Shika, "he is always like that, you get used to it, it's a drag cause he craves attention. Anyways i'll introduce you to everyone. That's Choji, Sakura is there, and then that's Shino and Hinata. She's Neji's cousin, you can tell by the eyes. And then that's Ino the girl with the blonde hair. Then the grump there is Sasuke, and Tenten and Lee are coming from gym over there, and that's everyone."

Gaara nodded, he felt overwhelmed. He stiffened as the blond Naruto came and sat on the table in front of him. Gaara looked up, with a sigh.

"Yes?" He said.

"HI! IM NARUTO!"

"Yes you said that."

"I know, I was just wondering…"

"Yes?"

"If you wanted the rest of your sushi"

"Naruto!" Said Kiba, "Don't take his sushi."

"That's fine have It." Said Gaara who just wanted the blonde to leave.

"WOW THANKS GAARA!" Said Naruto as he bounded off.

Gaara was sick of this he started to pack his bag slowly.

"What are you doing?" said Neji, Gaara noticed that he and Kiba were watching him.

"I'm going home, I cant deal with this place."

"NOOOO DON'T LEAVE!" shouted Naruto, "I haven't invited you to my party this weekend!"

"That's ok, I'm not going anyway." Said Gaara getting up.

"You have to come." Said Naruto appearing in front of him, his happy demeanour had turned serious. "I want you to come."

"It's fine. You wouldn't want me there anyway." Said Gaara walking away.

"Leave him alone Naruto."" Gaara saw the Sasuke boy say.

"No, don't walk away from me." Naruto had a very serious tone to his voice and Gaara noticed people gathering. He could hear Neji, Kiba and Shika trying to pull Naruto back.

"Shadow clone jutsu!" Gaara heard Naruto cry, all of a sudden 7 Naruto's appeared in front of him. "You're not going anywhere Come back and I want to tell you the details about my party!" They said in unison. Gaara noted that it wasn't really an option, and that each clone held a kunai.

"Move." Said Gaara.

"Make us."

"No." Said Gaara walking around them

"Stay." They said.

"No"

"Then we will make you!" Each of the Naruto's threw a Kunai at Gaara which were immediately blocked by sand that automatically came up to shield Gaara.

Woah! Gaara heard people say, the whole courtyard was rippling with excitement, they had just seen the power of the sand ninja, he had blocked Naruto's attack without moving. The Naruto's attacked again throwing more kunai. Garra blocked them and wiped out the Naruto clones with a swipe of sand. Gaara then turned on Naruto with a pissed of look on his face.

"Let me leave." He hissed.

"No. I want you to stay." Gaara sighed; this boy was more trouble than he was worth.

He watched as Naruto made more clones that stood at ready, Gaara looked around. He was pissed off. He felt the drugs happiness being over taken by the voice of the demon wanting him to kill this blonde. Either side of him the sand whirled around to protect his body. He looked ahead at the blonde with a murderous look in his eyes.

"I will break you." Garra hissed.

"Alright break it up!" Came the voice of their gym teacher Guy. "Any one that wishes to fight will have to fight the beautiful me first. Any volunteers?" The people watching in the court yard quickly dispersed, leaving Naruto and Gaara watching each other. Slowly he saw Naruto shrug and his clones go out with a little pop! Gaara swayed on the spot and allowed the sand to return to its place on the ground.

Kiba walked over to Gaara.

"Come on." He said grabbing Gaara's hand. "Come sit down again, you can have some of my lunch, I brought too much anyway. Gaara sit." Gaara allowed himself to be pushed back on his seat. Naruto sat down next to him pushing Shika off the seat.

"You're really powerful aren't you?" He said. "I'm going to become the 6th Hokage, that's my dream… So are you going to come to my party this weekend?"

"You should, it will be fun." Said Neji.

"Yeah we have alcohol and a dj, some pretty ladies. We can play games and shit. You will enjoy yourself."

"Can we play truth or dare, and I never! I love those games." Said the pink haired girl.

"Yeah Sakura, we will play everything! Bring some drinks if you want, we can never have too much!"

"Mm ok, I'll go." Said Gaara, which seemed to make a lot of people very happy.

The rest of the day went fast. Gaara had a free period last so he went home early and found a note from Temari and Kankuro on the door. It read:

_Gaara! Welcome home, I hope your day was good. Me and Kankuro have gone on a mission, it seems a squad needed our expertise. We will be back on Monday, I want you to stay at a friend's house, but I can't make you do anything, so just be safe. _

_Love Temari and Kankuro._

_Oh by the way that Shika is one sexy boy._

Gaara smiled another day of school over.

Two days passed since Temari and Kankuro had gone on their mission. Gaara had continued to take that white powder to get through the days. He usually came to school late and left early, much to the annoyance of his friends, who he had been avoiding.

Eventually he got to his door, _"_what a day." He sighed.

He sat at his desk in his room and tried to study but soon fell asleep. After what seemed like 10 minutes but was actually an hour a loud knocking woke him up. Faintly Gaara went down stairs to see who was at the door.

"About time! We must have been knocking for at least a good 10 minutes." Said Neji.

"Sor-sorry I feel asleep."

"It looks like it!" Kiba said laughing. "Your makeup has gone everywhere!"

Behind Neji and Kiba was Shika, Naruto, Tenten and Lee.

He moved and led everyone into the kitchen.

"I'm hungry." He stated to no one in particular.

"Yeah no doubt, we have hardly seen you at lunch." Said Kiba.

"Mmm yeah." Gaara replied.

"So where has your sister and brother gone?" Asked Shika.

"They are on a mission. They will be back on Monday."

"So I guess you can stay with me then." Said Neji.

"Mm I guess so; I kind of want to stay here tonight though." Said Gaara as he started eating anything he could get his hands on. He felt Neji sigh, but he didn't care he just wanted to be alone. The last few days had been stressful and the drug seemed to be taking it toll on his usual mood, although he wasn't a naturally happy person, he seemed to be a lot more depressed than usual.

Eventually everyone left. And Gaara was alone with his thoughts. He lay on his bed. _'I cant be gay can I?"_ What was the point of even thinking that, when the guy he liked didn't like him back. Neji and Kiba. They were. So. _'Argh! I've been doing my best to avoid them for the last week, why do they have to come here and taunt me with themselves._'

He felt a familiar throb in his pants, he felt so dirty, so what he was gay, it wouldn't matter, they wouldn't like him less would they? What if they did… what if they hated him?

"Argh fuck! They are going to hate me. I bet they like those girl at the table, they are just trying to be nice to me! Ahh fuck." Gaara yelled and got up in a panic, he undressed and grabbed his scissors from his desk and held them to his skin, he felt horrible. He watched half sadistically as he pushed slowly against his stomach and let the blood flow freely. 'they would hate me, if they knew what I am, how I am, how could they not.' He felt the pain of his father, of his life. He walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and staggered backwards, the person in the mirror was a daemon. In a frenzy he began to dig at his skin. Over and over the thrust in the scissors cutting his arms and his legs, mirroring his father's movements, in his mind he saw it all again. He looked into the mirror at himself and let out a yelp of pain. Looking down he saw he was bleeding, and badly. He had time to attempt to smash the mirror with his fist before he fainted, and his world turned black.

When he awoke he was in bed. He let out a moan, he was sore.

"Mm I bet your sore. That looks like it hurts." Said a voice.

Gaara's mind was swimming. His vision was wavering. Seeing a worried Neji he let out a sigh.

Another voice, "are you ok? Please be ok..." Gaara turned and saw Kiba and Shika. He looked questionably at them.

"Its 6AM now, but we found you at 12 two nights ago, we have been taking it in turns to watch you..."

"No."

Neji sighed. "Come on Gaara what's the matter with you? We are your friends. We have been worried about you all week, you haven't talked to us, or sat with us.. Don't you like us?"

"No that's not it." He said.

"Well what is it then?" said Kiba his face hovering over Gaara's, "please tell us. We miss you." He whispered. Gaara felt a throb in his pants and turned over moaning.

"I'm going to have a shower." He said.

"Fine," he heard Kiba say.

Gaara looked at the damage he had done to himself.

"Mm fuck..." He had scars everywhere and a boner to top it all off. He got in the shower and turned on the heat, letting the water run on his body, he started to stroke himself, the two men of his dreams were both standing out there. They had both come to his aid. He imagined them fucking him, he was fucking Kiba in the ass, who was moaning in delight, Neji was behind him hugging him, going in and out of him, and was kissing and biting him on the neck as he shoved back inside him, Gaara felt his body shake as he moaned, arching his back he pushed himself deeper into Kiba. He bent double and let out a moan as he came. If only it was real he thought.

The moment of pleasure didn't last long, "I'm disgusting," He said out loud; he started to scrape his skin, getting rid of all the dirt. All the pain and all the scabs, some of which started to bleed freshly again, he scraped it all off. Finding his baggy of white powder he rubbed some into his gums. "No one will ever love me."

He put a towel around his hips and walked out to his dresser. _'I guess i have to go to school.'_

"It's Naruto's party tonight… Will you come?" Asked Kiba, the three boys were sitting on his bed watching him carefully.

"Yeah. I guess I will." He replied, while looking through his shelves. He straightened up as he felt a spasm of the drug go through his body.

"Ahh," he let a moan of pleasure slip. Behind him Shika, Kiba and Neji exchanged glances. Suddenly Gaara felt great, he had no need to cover himself up. He hardly noticed the boys behind him, and let his towel drop to the floor exposing his body. He looked into the mirror and brushed his hair. He felt nothing. He grabbed some jocks and red zipper jeans, and slowly put them on. He then put on a green shirt with a picture of cartoon milk and a cartoon cookie holding hands, saying I love you. Over the top of that he put a black parade jacket. He put some eye liner on and took Kankuro's advice and put a sparkly clip in his hair.

He sighed, stretched and turned and looked at his guests. The Shika had his eyes averted. Kiba had a small blush on his face, he got up and went to the toilet, and Neji, Neji was looking directly at him, Gaara stared back absently. Unaware of his large pupils, he said, "Let's go get something to eat?" and turned to move downstairs

"No, what are you doing Gaara?"

"Um, going to get something to eat…"

Neji got up and move across the room to him, Kiba came out of the bathroom and stopped and Shika looked up.

"I don't know what's going on with you Gaara, but I do know, that what you are doing to yourself isn't going to help you."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Gaara replied coolly.

"Cutting yourself. Drinking with that guy, drugs, I know you're on them now, you hardly eat, you look thin, too thin. Please, please let us help you."

"You cant. No one can."

"Gaara... Please." That voice was Kiba's, "I'm really worried about you, we care about you."

"How could you care about someone like me?" Gaara coughed he hadn't meant to say that. There was a silence in the room, all eyes were on him. He grabbed the bag with the powder and left down stairs. Why did they have to be so meddling? Why couldn't they just stay out of it? Down in his kitchen he sat his head in his hands, _'damit where was the good feeling?' _He just had a sense of panic and dread. Opening up his powder he took some more out and rubbed it into his gums.

"Mm dam that feels good." He said out loud as it hit. He picked up his school bag and walked to school himself.

Neji and Kiba came in late to their first class. As usual they sat either side of him, yet not saying a word. So what if they hated him, it's about time. He always knew they would hate him eventually, he had never had friends and he never would. As Gaara thought this he couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. The boys that he loved hated him. He couldn't help but feel that his father had gotten his wish, his life was ruined.

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Yay finished. Next chapter is: the party

arrownbow


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: **I do not own naruto**

**Warnings**…..: hehe not telling :D

***edit*** Shit fixed yo.

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Chapter 5: **the party!**

_He couldn't help but feel that his father had gotten his wish, his life was ruined. _

Gaara didn't go to lunch with his friends, he went straight to the library, and sat down. Gaara noticed the a pang they they didn't even ask him to come to lunch anymore.

"Hey, why don't you sit us at lunch anymore..?" said a voice, looking up Gaara saw the blonde hair and blue eyes of Naruto. Neji had said that naruto had a way of understanding people.

"Hey, um I dunno."

"Don't you like us?"

"it's not that, I like you all just fine." There was a pause, and Naruto sat down next to him.

"You know, I have a demon inside me. We are very similar you and I… I don't know what's happened in your past. But I know you can't change it. What you can change is your future. You have friends out there, they are worried about you. I don't know why, but I know they are worried. Neji and Kiba and Shika, they all want to be your friend…So let them, don't push them away…"

There was a long pause as Gaara took in what the blonde had said.

"Why would they want to be friends with someone like me?" Gaara replied. "I don't deserve it," he said and walked off.

"You will come to my party tonight at least?" shouted Naruto across the Library getting shushed by the librarians.

"Yes." Said Gaara under his breath while nodding.

The day past and Gaara left school early, skipping his last class.

"Fuck, mmm so a party tonight." He said out loud. He pulled out his baggy of powder; he had about 3 doses left. _'Sweet enough to get through tonight,'_ he thought.

A message tone abruptly sounded. He looked at the message, it was from Neji.

I'm going to pick you up for the party tonight, be ready and waiting by 7. Neji.

At 6 Gaara went down stairs, he was nervous for some reason.

"Fuck," reaching over to a bottle of Temari's vodka, he opened it and had a few swigs.

"Mm." He said out loud, it burnt, but it was enough to settle him, he went back upstairs to get dressed. He put on some black jocks, and then he pulled on black skinny leg jeans, that had belt buckles on the sides all the way down. He put on a black belt and a tight fitting black collared shirt. He rolled up the sleeves a bit and put on a glow in the dark green cuff, and green high top converse's. He then put a lot of black eyeliner over his eyes.

He was ready, he rubbed a little of his powder on his gums, and put the rest in his pocket with his phone. He got a surge of nervousness in his stomach and decided to look in Temari's medical cabinet. He searched through the panadol and tampons, to find her dexamphetamine prescription. He took the bottle and put it on his pocket. Finding the vodka again, he took three with a swig and looked at the time.

It was 7, he ran down stairs picking up a bottle of tequila on the way. Neji's car got to his gate just as he closed it.

"Hello." Said Neji, "I'm glad you came out, I thought we were going to have to come in a drag you out here." Garra looked and saw Shika, Kiba and Hinata.

"Hello, everybody," he said. "I um, bought some tequila…"

"Yum. I love tequila," said Hinata shyly, he handed her the bottle and got in.

"Narutos started half an hour ago, so they are waiting for us before they start drinking." Kiba said. Gaara noticed that Neji was wearing a white fishnet top with a singlet over it and wash out white jeans. Kiba had blue jeans with his furry hoodie, and no top under it. A bit of his chest could be seen.

"I like your pants." Said Kiba smiling. Seeing where Gaara was looking he raised an eye bow. A wicked smile grew on his face.

"Umm thanks." Said Gaara looking down to hide a blush.

"We're here." Said Shika.

Inside Naruto's house everyone was dancing or chatting.

"THEY ARE HERE! LET'S START!" Shouted Naruto. Jumping off a chair.

Everyone gathered around a table, cups were placed before each person.

Gaara ended up sitting next to two girls. In the middle of the table was all types of alcohol, Gaara could see his tequila in there next to something that was bright blue and a white rum.

"Ok the first drink is Vodka and Madori shot." Announced Naruto he got busy poring and making everyone's drink.

"From then you just make whatever you want unless I say. We are going to play truth or dare first ok? For each truth that isn't answered well enough you have to shot, and for every dare you do you have to shot, you have two passes on dares and truth. For each pass, you have to take an item of clothing off. Once you get to your third dare, if you refuse to do it, everyone will make you a dare which you have to do, or face my wrath."

Everyone gave small laughs, but they knew he was serious; no one really wanted to see what exactly his wrath was.

"Ok," he said placing the last cup in front of Gaara. "Since it's my party, I'm going to start! Ok, Sakura, truth or dare."

"Truth." She replied.

"Have you had sex with Sasuke?"

"Omg! Naruto! You can't ask that! ….I pass." She took off her top. There was a lot of laughing and wolf whistling that came from the guys in the group.

"Where is Sasuke?" Gaara asked.

"He prefers to spend his spare time training to kill his brother." Choji said rolling his eyes.

"Ok" Sakura said, claiming back the game and taking her shot. "Shika, truth or dare?"

"Dare baby." He replied.

"Ok, I dare you to… Kiss Ino!"

"What a drag.." He leant over and kissed Ino on the lips. "Ok it's my turn," he said blushing, "Choji, truth or dare.?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to make out with Ino."

"Why is everyone picking on me?" Said ino as she leaned over to Choji and made out with him for longer than expected. They both drew back blushing.

"Ok, it's my turn, Kiba, truth or dare."

"Dare. Hahah!" Said Kiba.

"I Dare you to Make out with…. Gaara."

'Fuck,' thought Gaara, 'what if, what if I get a bone-' Before Gaara could even think Kiba was on top of him kissing him. Their lips were touching, Kibas were wet, and his tongue started to demand entry into Gaara mouth. Gaara willingly let Kiba's tongue in, as Kiba wrapped his arms around Gaara, intensifying the kiss. In only a second it was over. Both males had huge blushes on their faces. Kiba was red as Gaara's hair.

"Ok," Kiba panted.

"That was by far the hottest thing I have ever seen." Said Sakura her mouth hanging open.

"Ok," Kiba panted again, a wicked smile on his face. "Neji truth or dare."

"Dare" he replied.

"I dare you to make out with Gaara."

Gaara didn't have time to look up as Neji was on top of him, he was ready for a tongue this time, Nejis mouth was soft and gentle. His tongue lightly flicked his, sending waves of pleasure down his spine. He felt the white eyes hands tangle in his hair.

Neji then pulled away, his face was composed. But Gaara wasn't, he looked down hiding his blush, he thought he may pass out if any more blood went to his face, his cock was throbbing in his pants so violently. Just breathe he told himself just breathe it was only a dare. Taking a shot he managed to get the blush off his face.

"Gaara." A voice said, "truth or dare." Naruto's voice broke his thoughts.

"Umm truth." Gaara said thinking he couldn't manage to take any more kisses.

"Mm ok, I dare you to tell the truth about… Why you came to the leaf." Said Naruto not realising the pain he was about to bring forward. Gaara saw Neji put his palm to his face, and heard Kiba mutter 'damit, stupid Naruto.' "So, tell us, why did you come to the leaf?"

"Um..." Gaara sat back. As images of his last few days in the sand spread through his mind. His dads face just kept popping up. "Well, Itt was to get away from-"

"Gaara you don't have to answer." Said Neji cutting him off. "Take an item of clothing off?"

"Yeah… Yeah k." He took another shot and took his shirt off. The boys wolf whistled. In truth Gaara had some rather chiselled abs, yet he tried hard to cover his scars.

"Wow very impressive." Said Ino looking him up and down, "skimp out on another dare, I want to see your pants off," she said winking.

"Umm," said Gaara ignoring Ino. "Sakura, I dare you to kiss lee."

"What I didn't even say dare, but I would of so ok."

"Gaara." said Sakura. "Truth or dare?" Again he thought damit.

"Umm dare…"

"I dare you to take the rest of your clothes off."

"Yeah! Then you can come sit with me!" Said Naruto who was naked also. Seeing that Gaara had no choice, he could either say no to the dare and take his clothes off anyway. He stood up and took his shoes off first, then undid the buckles on his pants. The room was quiet watching this take place. _'Fuck fuck,'_

"Wait can I go to the toilet first?" He asked. This was met with laughter.

"Ok, but you only have 2minutes… We are going to count!"

Gaara ran to Naruto's toilet went so to get rid of his boner. He then rubbed some of the powder onto his gums, "give me confidence," he prayed. The alcohol was in his head, making him dizzy, but he felt the rushes of happiness soon take over, he went back out and undid his fly and pulled his pants off.

"And your undies." Said Sakura. Gaara sighed and went and sat next to Naruto handing him his drink and then taking his undies off. "Wow big boy." Said Sakura.

"Anyway so it's my go. Neji truth or dare?" He said sighing.

"Dare."

"Ok, I dare you to kiss Kiba." Said Gaara, he got puzzled looks from Neji and Kiba, which confused him, but they kissed and Gaara started to get hard again.

"Damn, that got me fucking hard." Said Naruto laughing next to him.

"Ok Naruto truth or dare." said Neji.

"Dare."

"I dare you to get on top of Gaara and make out." Gaara's eyes bulged. And everyone gave a small chuckle, no one expected Naruto to do it.

But in a flash Naruto was on top of Gaara and came down hard for a kiss. _'Oh fuck no,'_ though Gaara. _'This isn't happening._' Gaara managed to avert the kiss and scoot off the couch, as drunk Naruto put his hands around his waist and fought him back down.

"I'm going to fuck you!" He cried. Gaara stopped dead. _'What, what did he just say,'_ he saw images of his dad everywhere. _'No this isn't real, this isn't happening._' In a quick thrust Gaara threw Naruto off him and on to the floor, where he went crashing into the couch opposite. He took sand from the walls and whirl it around him pinning Naruto down. For long enough that Gaara could grab his pants and undies and run to the toilets. There next to the sink he poured out the rest of the powder and started to apply it to his gums, as Neji and Kiba ran in.

"Gaara! Are you..." Kiba stopped in mid-sentence. "What are you doing..?"

"Go away." Gaara hissed. Kiba came and stood next to him.

"No Gaara we aren't going anywhere." Said Neji. In a quick movement he scattered the powder.

"What did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" He yelled.

He started advancing toward Neji, but Kiba held him back.

"Gaara!" He said, turning him around.

Gaara went to hit Kiba, but Kiba pushed him backwards and he landed on Neji and hit the wall with his back, where Kiba pinned him.

"You are not to do drugs any more." Kiba announced.

"And why shouldn't I?" Gaara suddenly felt a spasm go through his body, this wasn't the type of pleasure he got when drugs hit, it was… Neji... Neji was nuzzling his neck! Kiba moved forwards, and put his mouth inches from Gaara's.

"Because we don't want you to, we don't want you hurting yourself." He said before kissing him, Gaara became lost in the sensation of the kiss. Kiba lightly sucked on his bottom lip as Neji started to bite his neck which was going to leave a massive hiccy. He moaned out loud, could this really be happening? Abruptly Kiba's kiss came to an end and Neji stopped biting him.

Gaara slowly moved toward the sink.

"So... What do you think?" Said Kiba.

"Umm… About what?" Said Gaara who was out of breath.

"Gaara! Are you okay?" Came Naruto's voice, "I didn't mean to..." He stumbled, Walking into his bathroom, butt naked, "we aren't playing that any more, come back out cause we are going to go swimming!" He latched on to Gaara and pulled him out of the bathroom. Everyone was naked in the spa. The girls were laughing, to Gaara it seemed to be an orgy; he could make out Shika watching him closely.

"Come in!" Naruto turned to Gaara and started to take his clothes off for him, Gaara stood there emotionless, letting Naruto do whatever, he was numb, and he had just had the boys of his dreams kiss him, why did he feel so dirty. Maybe they were drunk, what if it was in pity of him… Gaara was standing naked with Naruto by the pool, as Kiba and Neji came out of the house. Naruto swayed and started to fall, out of reflex Gaara caught him and pulled him into his chest.

"aww Gaaaraaayy your gorgeous! Thankyou sooo much!" Naruto leaned up for a kiss. 'Not this again.' He tried to side step Naruto but slipped and fell into the pool. A roar of laughter arose as Gaara got out and jumped into the spa next to Shika and Hinata.

"Sup." Shika said next to him, "Glad you could make it, welcome to the spa of unholy delights." He laughed. Gaara looked at him confused before following his gaze to Ino and Sakura, making out in the corner. Naruto next to them seemed to be enjoying the show.

"Um,"Hinata said quietly, "do you guys want to get the tequila and go to the park? Maybe with our clothes on?"

"Sure." Shika said and jumped out. He offered Gaara his hand and a towel.

He found himself dressed and being lead out of Naruto's house by Hinata. Kiba and Neji had disappeared, _'typical,_' he thought, _'they did it out of pity.'_ He locked his teeth in annoyance that he had let his guard down and let them tease him.

"Here!" Hinata said sitting down on the grass.

Gaara noticed that it was the park that he had ran to on his first day of school. His sat down next to the girl and she handed him the bottle. It was strong but it made him feel better.

"This is nice," Shika said looking at the stars, "everyone was getting too rowdy in there. But that's typical when everyone is drunk."

'This is a typical party?' Garra thought lost by everyone's mood, 'this was an orgy, no wonder this group is so incest, everyone gets drunk and uses it as an excuse to make out with each other.'

"Yes," Hinata said sweetly. "Um." She continued making both boys look over to her, "there is someone over there."

Gaara sat up and watched the figure approach. When he walked in the light, Gaara recognised him.

"It's you." He said jumping at the guy, who he had met in the bathroom.

"Hey, it's you. You look a little bit healthier. How my stuff go down?"

"You know this guy?" Shika asked, having not seen the guy that day in the bathroom.

Gaara ignored Shika's question, "my friend's threw it out." He said sighing.

"They don't sounds like friends then. I'll tell you what; I have something else you can have."

"What is it?" Gaara asked standing up.

"Here, have a look for yourself."

The man held out three pills for Gaara to take.

"Give one each to your mates, and you three will have a great night. If you ever want anything else," He said in a lower tone, so only Gaara could hear, "come back to this park, and I'll find you. By the way" the man said in an ever lower tone, "sorry about what happened that day, I was really messed up."

Gaara nodded as the man walked away.

"What do you guys say?" He asked them both.

Hinata immediately held her hand out, "I'll do it if you do." She said putting it into her mouth, before he had time to agree.

"Nice," Gaara said, "Shika?" He said to the brown haired boy.

"…Yeah, but I am staying at yours tonight."

Gaara nodded and swigged down the pill with the tequila.

"Right," Shika said standing, "Shall we go back to the party and then to Gaara's when this thing hits?"

"Yes, Okay!" Hinata said standing with them.

Back inside, the party had dispersed. Light was starting to fill the sky as morning slowly came. Naruto and Ino had chosen a corner and were under a blanket there. Kiba, Tenten, Neji, Sakura and Lee were all together in the spa. Sakura had her arms draped around Neji, who was holding her to him. Gaara noticed with a pang of pain that their noses were touching. He watched in slow motion as Neji and her kissed.

He looked down at the pavement feeling horrible. _'He is straight.'_ He thought, _'Well, I am straight too.'_

He sat down next to Shika and Hinata who were seated on a bench.

"So how long till this hits?" Shika said nervously.

"I'm not sure, "Gaara said.

Neither of them had realised how strange they were feeling. Gaara touched Shika's skin absently. The boy looked at him questionably.

"It's smooth." Gaara said, touching Hinata's skin, "wow. It's really smooth."

Hinata giggled, "I feel strange," She said wriggling on the spot.

Gaara look into Shika's eyes, they were wide and his pupils were dilating and become huge.

"How do you feel?" Gaara asked, feeling the drug sweep over him, making him giddy.

"Good, I feel great." Shika said making Hinata burst out laughing. "Kiss me Gaara? I want to feel your lips, they look really big." Shika said and then looked down confused, "I don't know why I said that."

"Okay." Gaara said having an out of body experience. He felt like his arms were no longer attached and his body had elongated to twice its normal height.

Slowly Shika turned to Gaara, his eyes wide and he nodded. His arms snaked their way around Gaara's head and pulled him in close. Gaara closed his eyes and felt the boy's lips caressing his own. At first it was a passionate romantic kiss, but as they continued it took on more and more fever. He felt magical, he opened his eyes and saw Shika in a new light, the boy was beautiful in his own rough way.

"Me to." Hinata said from next to them. They broke the kiss and looked at the shy girl. At the same time they both reached for her. Gaara pulled her on top of his lap so she was facing him, with her legs on either side. With both hands on her back he dove for her kiss. She tasted like cinnamon and her lips were so soft. She felt so venerable and delicate under him. He broke the kiss and watched as Hinata and Shika started to make out in front of him. Every now and again he licked there tongues.

"I think, we should go upstairs." Shika said pulling Gaara up and kissing him. Gaara responded immediately and pulled him in close. Hinata stood next to them, suddenly naked. She had small breasts that were hard due to the cold night air.

"Let's go upstairs," she purred. They watched her move into the house, mesmerised. Shika nodded and kissed Gaara again. Gaara submitted, it felt wonderful.

Both boys nodded and followed Hinata's body upstairs.

From the spa Neji and Kiba watched Gaara kiss and touch Shika and Hinata and then go upstairs with them.

Hinata spread herself out on the bed, and looked at them seductively as they walked in. Shika carefully locking the door behind them. Gaara unzipped his pants and ripped them off, next to him Shika did the same. Making his way to the bed his took his shirt off and kissed Hinata. Behind him Shika started to lick her out. Making her moan and quiver in Gaara's arms. Gaara moved under her and made her sit on top off him. After a moment he pushed himself inside of her, making them both moan in pleasure. She rocked back and forwards on top of him as Gaara lay back. His mind was spinning out. He felt like he was dreaming, and that this world was wonderful. If this was a dream he wanted to dream forever. He watched Shika stand up on the bed and position himself on her lips. After a moment she took him in her mouth. Gaara pressed deeper into her making her shiver in delight. From his vantage point he could see everything she was doing to Shika. Who had his hands on either side of her head and was pushing himself into her mouth. Gaara slowly started to feel Hinata's muscles tighten and her arch her back. She leant back on him, as he grabbed her and forced himself into her harder and harder each time. Suddenly he felt her peak and twitch violently covering him and the bed in her pleasure.

She lay back and moved off him slowly.

"I'm going to have a shower." She said moving to the door, leaving Shika and Gaara there.

"Shall we continue?" Gaara said looking up at him and both their boners still raging and throbbing.

"Yes." He said kneeling on him and kissing him. Shika made his way down Gaara's stomach paying attention to his scars and bruises with his lips. Till he came to Gaara's cock. He took it fully in his mouth and swallowed on it, making Gaara moan in delight. They both got under the blankets taking turns in each other's mouths. Till eventually they were is a sixty nine position and both doing it at the same time.

Out in the hall way Naruto was waking people up. "It's time for school! Get up, up everyone!" He yelled banging on the doors.

Gaara felt Shika shrug and push himself further into Gaara's mouth. He felt himself starting to peak as he concentrated on the feeling of being in Shika's mouth. He bucked his hips upwards pleading for deeper contact as Shika started to peak and his fluid spill out into Gaara's mouth, making Gaara do the same. He moaned and sucked and licked up Shika. As the boy turned around and lay next to him breathing heavily. Gaara smiled at Shika who looked content. His pupils were massive as he started to kiss Gaara again.

"We are going to be late." He said kissing him more.

"Mmm," Gaara said sitting up and putting his clothes on, "When did Hinata leave?" He asked noticing the shower was empty. Shika shrugged and got dressed as well. Gaara made his way to the mirror and found that he looked slightly morbid. He hadn't slept the entire night, and had been in the spa and pool, so his hair was wavy. His pupils were almost completely black and had a glazed look to them.

Shika walked him to his first class with Kurenai sensei teaching.

"You are about half an hour late, but I will see you at lunch." Shika leaned in and planted a small kiss on his lips that made Gaara swell with happiness.

Gaara nodded and opened the door. At the front of the room wasn't Kurenai, but Kakashi. Who looked at Gaara through one narrowed eye, as he took his seat between Neji and Kiba.

"You don't look very well Gaara." Kakashi said slyly. "We are studying page 42 of out text books today."

Gaara nodded and opened his book, pretending to read it.

He was still high from the drug. He couldn't think properly, the drug was still making him numb and blurring his senses. As he looked down at his hands and got the same out of body feeling he had gotten before.

"I don't feel well," he said getting up and walking out of the room, he made his way to the boys toilet opposite and sat on the floor facing the cubicles. The night had been so messed up. He couldn't remember what had happened before he had taken the drug. But after he could remember, the stuff he had done with Hinata and Shikamaru, it made him feel sick. Slowly he started to feel a familiar dirtiness and forced himself to vomit into the basin. In his haze he ran back to the classroom and grabbed his bag.

"I have to go." He slurred racing from the classroom.

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**next chapter is: Chapter 6: To the edge.  
**

**3 Arrownbow**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I do not own naruto

**Warnings…..:** hehe not telling :D

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**Chapter 6. To the edge.**

"_I__ have to go." He slurred racing from the classroom._

"Wait Gaara." Kasashi said from the corner. Making the red head turn on the spot, although he kept his eyes downwards. "Just letting you know that the school ball is being held in a few days. Its tradition before the genin exams that every village come together and celebrate."

"Every village?" Gaara asked.

"Yes, even the sand, so you will be able to see some of your old friends."

Gaara felt his heart stop and turned from the room. Ninjas from the sand would be coming here. He felt things move in slow motion. 'His friends. Ha! Like I have any.' He thought walking through the school grounds. He numbly made his way home. Once he got to his door he turned and had no idea how he had gotten there. The drug seemed to be playing time tricks with his mind. There was at note at the door, it read:

_Gaara glad to see you stayed at someone's house last night. We are happy you have made some friends. We will be back for dinner, see you then!_

Kan and Temari.

Gaara sighed to himself, he had been starting to enjoy being by himself. He went upstairs and grabbed Temari's vodka and walked to his bathroom. His face looked pale and his eyes were red and his pupils were black. He looked like the demon inside him.

"Sand ninja are coming here for a ball." He said to himself. In his mind things were going bad, the drug had started to take on a horrible overtone. All around him he saw faces of the kids from the sand, they laughed at him and ran away from him. They hated him. Now they were coming here, just after he thought he had escaped that place his past was coming back to haunt him. He bent over the basin and made himself vomit till his eyes were on fire and his breath had turned to panicked gasps. In a haze he took out Temari's bottle of dexies and started to fumble with the lid.

"Gaara?" A voice said behind him. Gaara turned with his Kunai outstretched ready to defend himself. "Hey there, I ain't gonna hurt you."

"You're the guy from the park." Gaara said lowering his Kunai

"Yeah, my name is Zabuza." It was the first time Gaara had looked at him properly, he was wearing high waisted pin striped pants and a tank top.

"How did you find me?" Was all that Gaara managed to say.

"I told you I would find you didn't I?" He said sitting on Gaara's bed, waiting for him to leave the bathroom. "I am sorry about how we met, it was wrong of me to grab you like that, it's just I thought you could do with a release."

"Yeah, it's okay." Gaara said moving from the bathroom and standing in the door way.

"Looks like those pills I gave you are going well. But I wouldn't mix them with those things in your hand, or they will have nasty side effects." Zubuza said smiling.

Gaara made a sound akin to a grunt.

"How about we finish off that vodka instead?" Zubuza said laughing as Gaara threw the bottle at him. "So tell me all about yourself." Zubuza said lying on the bed as he came to sat down next to him.

"Not much to say." Gaara said looking at the guy next to him, he was toned and rugged. He noticed his pupils were as big as his own. "You had one of the pills too?" Gaara asked curious.

"Yeah. They are good huh. Make you feel all loved up."

"Hmmm. Yeah." Gaara said looking up at the ceiling, somewhere in his mind he knew that laying on his bed with this guy who drugged him and tried to take his pants off wasn't a good idea. But something – maybe the drugs - made him feel content with the situation. This guy Zubuza seemed to be a misunderstood soul as well.

"How was your night?" Zubuza asked next to him

"It was..." Gaara paused not knowing what to say.

"The pills made you do something...?" Zubzua asked.

"Yeah. They did." Gaara sighed

"What?"

"...I had ...sex ...with that girl and then me and the guy we."

"Had sex?" Zubzua asked turning on his side to face the red head.

"Nah we... finished each other off orally." Gaara sighed feeling sick. He instantly grabbed for the vodka and took large swigs, cringing his eyes, trying to black out the images from last night.

"I see, was it a bad thing?" Zubzua asked.

Gaara stopped drinking. 'was it bad?' he asked himself, "no, it wasn't bad, it's just."

"You don't like talking about this kind of stuff huh?"

"It's just wrong that's all. It's what people do when they love each other, and no one loves me," Gaara confessed feeling tears well up in his eyes, "So it's wrong, these feelings are wrong." He finished in a whisper.

They lay in silence for a while. Each drinking from the vodka for different reasons.

"So my friend." Zubuza said breaking the silence, "What would you like to do now? Anything in the world, we can do." He asked sitting up and swigging more of the vodka.

"Just drink and lay here and just... Be." Gaara replied rubbing his stomach with his hand. His belly felt strange like he hadn't eaten in so long it was swallowing him whole.

"We can do that." Zubuza said laying back down.

They stayed like this for most of the day, talking and getting slowly more drunk as the drugs wore off.

They both giggled for the 50th time.

"What's funny?" Gaara said grinning at nothing.

"I don't know." Zubuza said laughing. "My stomach hurts from laughing, and I am so hungry, let's raid your kitchen."

"Yes! That's a great idea." Gaara said leading Zubuza down stairs by the hands and into his kitchen. "Except, I don't know how to cook." Gaara admitted.

"That's fine. You have on your hands the best cook in the hidden mist village!" He said grabbing out some eggs.

"Wonderful." Gaara said hiccupping and standing in Zubuza's way of the bench. The man looked down at him with a small smile on his face.

"Move, letttme put these eggsss down." Zubuza giggled.

"Kiss me." Gaara said sounding braver than he felt.

Zubuza's expression changed and suddenly he looked more sober, "I'm not gay Gaara, I know I grabbed you that day, I was high and I like sex."

"So kiss me then."

Zubuza looked at Gaara closely and then shrugged, "If it's what you want. Then so do I." He said while putting the eggs down. In one quick movement he lifted Gaara up onto the table and positioned himself between his legs. Slowly Gaara felt him slide his hands under his shirt and pull him closer. He smelt like vodka and musk. He had an infatuating scent similar to Neji's. Gaara felt his heart rate triple as their lips came into contact with each other. Gaara immediately opened his mouth more, excepting Zubuza's tongue. He was then pushed backwards, so he was lying on the table as Zubzua jumped on top of him. Gaara could see the hunger in the man's eyes, the want. His shirt was lifted up and over his head as Zubuza increased their pace. He felt Zubuza's hands all over him and then on his jeans trying to unzip them.

"Wait. Wait!" Gaara said pulling Zubuza off, "I can't do this."

"Why? What's wrong? You wanted to a moment ago."

"I know. I just can't. I need time to think everything through." Gaara said sliding off the table. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, yeah it's okay. I'll find you when you have made your mind up." He said before disappearing.

Gaara stood emotionless for a moment, not knowing what to do. It had been such a crazy week, what he had done with Shika... He pushed it to the back of his mind, he didn't want to think about the possibility he could be gay. How could he be, after what his dad did to him, how could he be gay, unless he liked what his dad did. Acting as if on automatic he grabbed the bottle of vodka and walked out the door. He found himself heading towards the school. Classes would almost be over for the day. He stood at the entrance with the bottle in one hand and saw some students standing outside. He made his way over to them with the intent on asking where Kiba or Neji were. He realised though to his annoyance he didn't recognise any of them. But they all recognised him and stood back watching him sway. One of them a black haired girl pointed out the bottle in his hand and made a remark he didn't catch, but it made the others around her laugh. Gaara stood there watching them all for a moment. He was pissed off, he hated people like her. He wanted to tell her just what he thought of her, but his eyes automatically as if feeling them, spotted Kiba and Neji. Gaara felt his heart sink and the bile rise in his throat. Neji was walking with Sakura, their hands knotted together at their sides. He looked happy. Next to him Kiba had his arm protectively draped over a tired Hinata. Gaara started to slowly back away from the group of students standing there and started to walk towards the exit of the school.

"Hey Gaara!" A voice yelled piercing through the courtyard. Gaara continued walking pretending not to hear. "Hey!" Naruto said appearing in front of him blocking his way out. Behind him the rest of the group started to walk over.

"What cha doing?" Naruto asked bouncing up and down on the balls of his feat.

"Leaving." Gaara said trying to move around the blonde.

"Are you drinking still?" Ino asked from behind him.

"Move Naruto." Gaara hissed not wanting to turn around and see the two boys he craved holding hands and hugging other girls.

"Gaara I." A soft voice said.

Gaara turned around to look at Hinata. She looked exhausted her eyes were red and pupils were still larger than normal.

"I hope you're not drinking because of last night." She said quietly.

"What happened last night?" Naruto asked looking from them both. Gaara looked away and saw Shika standing there, his face passive. The whole group was watching him, he was sure the whole school was watching or at least listening. 'What have I done, why did I come here at all. This was a stupid idea.' He felt the panic rising inside of him; he didn't want to face their eyes, their smirks. He started to back away, but bumped into Naruto who was still behind him. Bouncing off Naruto he looked for a way out.

"Gaara? What's the matter?" Kiba said coming forwards trying to hold the red head.

"Leave me alone..." He said trying to back away from Kiba. He felt the world spinning around him, faces everywhere closing in. Gaara felt claustrophobic and started to hyperventilate. They would all find out, they would all know what he did with Shika, what would Kiba and Neji think of him then. They would hate him. They already hated him. He brought up then sand from the ground and made it hover around him protectively.

"Leave me alone." He hissed at Kiba. Kiba's eyes grew wide and for a moment he looked hurt. "Get out of my way Naruto." Gaara yelled making the sand grab the blonde by his feet and chuck him sideways, thus clearing his path. Gaara started to jog towards the gate, using the confusion to leave.

"Ha! I don't think so!" Guy sensi said appearing in front of him, "Bullies will be punished by the full extent, fighting in this ninja academy is strictly forbidden."

Gaara looked up at the teacher standing in his way.

"Move." Gaara hissed.

"I don't think so son, you need a strict hand and firm guidance if the power of youth within you is to flourish!"

Gaara spun around looking for another way out, but the group hand formed behind him, with an angry Naruto in the lead. Gaara saw that Kiba and Neji were holding him back. For a moment there was silence, no one made any movement except the sand swirling around Gaara.

"If I may." Said a voice. Gaara looked to see that Zubuza had appeared next to him. "Need a hand?" Zubuza grinned down at Gaara's face.

"Yes. Get me out of here."

"This guy?" Kiba yelled suddenly enraged, "This is the guy that drugged you? And grabbed you! You trust him now?"

"Not only that," Guy sensi said from behind them, "He is a rouge ninja from the village hidden in the mist, a wanted fugitive and in the bingo book."

"Hey I never confessed to be a good guy." Zubuza said shrugging and then looked at Gaara seriously, "Choice is yours Gaara, have you made your mind up, on both things?"

"Yes. You can have me." Gaara said looking at Zubuza seriously. Gaara didn't care anymore. The boys he liked hated him, he had no future.

"Come on then." Zubuza said pulling him close to him. He leaned down and kissed Gaara. The last thing he saw before they disappeared was Kiba's eyes, his big sad eyes.

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**:O**

**Next Chapter: Confrontation!**

**Arrow**

**R&R**


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